Watching Eddie

There are nights when I can't sleep that I look over at the floor next to my bed and look at Petey and Eddie and for the last week Cola sleeping on their dog beds. Petey is usually upside down or curled up like a cat if he is cold. Eddie is almost always laid out flat in his dog bed. And Cola is usually laying flat out as well but on the floor, she doesn't seem to like dog beds.

I watch them sleep and twitch and sometimes for a moment they open their eyes and look at me before quickly closing them again. It is almost like they know I am watching them sleep.

My mind begins to wander.... who owned you before? what did you look like as a puppy? why didn't they have you fixed? did you run away or did they leave you behind? did you live in a cage? were you part of a family? where did the people who left you, where did they get you from?

I look at Eddie and think if only... if only they would have given you a heart worm prevention pill once a month you wouldn't be dieing. If only you could talk to me and tell me what you have been through because it is very clear you were not treated nicely.

I look at him and I think how long will you live? Another week? Another month? Another year? I am not sure it is better to know they are dieing or to have it happen out of the blue like it has happened with several of my other dogs.

Some times the look on his face is so sad, so confused, like he knows something is wrong with him. I wish I could fix him, it makes me sad that I can't. I just want to fix them all and find them good homes where they are loved and wanted.

I wish people who treated them badly karma will return the favor. Although with all the bad stuff that has been happening to me I am not sure I believe in karma any more. It is a nice concept though.

Poor little Eddie, I have had him a year now. How much longer will I have him?